Wednesday Troubles

So my car wouldn't start last night... and of course it happens as I'm leaving my boyfriend's house feeling pissed off at him. Teaching me some humility universe, thanks for that. ;) He drove me home and I said "Thank you" kind of sullen like and then we got to my house and I was walking up to my door and he rolls down his car window and says "You're welcome, baby" as if I hadn't said thank you... which he must not of heard. I was a little offended because I had already said it but I felt like he was implying that I was being rude, even though he just hadn't heard it. So I looked at him with my eyebrow raised and I replied, "I said thank you already..." and then I think he said "Goodnight" or something I'm not sure because I was lost in thought thinking "Did he just assume I was being rude or what?" And I was trying to get into my house as fast as possible... oh anxiety!


This morning I had to call someone to tow my car or at least jump it so I call the dealership... they don't offer that service. I call my insurance company... I don't have roadside assistance but I can pay up front for them to call someone to come out and jump start my car. However, my car is not with me.. it's at my boyfriend's house. He's at work... I'm at home... they wouldn't even pick me up! I guess it's a "liability" so I had to find other means to get there. Luckily, I called my bestie and she had just dropped off her kids and was in the neighborhood. I felt so bad asking for help because I know she just got over having shingles and has a busy busy life anyway. That was so kind of her! I'm so grateful. Otherwise I might have had to uber over there lol. Or thanks!


So that all happened and that's resolved. It was a hassle and frustrating, but the problem is being solved.


On the other hand, with my boyfriend and I.. I'm trying to figure out the situation. He gets moody sometimes... let's just say "reactive" to negative things and then he lets it ruin our time together. Like last night... he had lost some game he was playing right before I came over. I had even sent him a sexy video and brought him part of my dinner because he hadn't eaten anything of substance. He asked me if I had extra and I did so I was kind enough to bring it. Then I brought my stuff to stay the night because normally he'll say "Did you bring your contact case and solution?" since he knows my eyes get dry and then I can sleep over.. this time he seemed like he didn't want me to stay so I asked him, "Do you want me to go home, baby?" He said yeah that he was going to play his game some more or something lame. Of course, naturally, my feelings were hurt. I should have just told him I was going home and not asked... but I guess I assumed based on history that he would want me to stay. It frustrated me to say the least.


It's like sometimes he'll be all into me and then I'll come over and because something upset him he lets it color how he interacts and treats me. He's usually less talkative and affection. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but when I don't know what's going on it's hard not to. And when you're getting to be so close with someone of course you don't want that person to be upset with you, if you're the cause. I don't want to be angry or upset over it.


I think it's so hard being in a relationship in your 30's with someone who has done nothing but date date date while you've been in relationships... I know my issues. I know I have trouble being alone, obviously... I jumped from relationship to relationship. I just feel like I'm trying to tether someone.. I don't want to be that person. I want him to want to be here because that's where his heart is. And I mean most of the time I think he does. He's pretty open and honest and he keeps trying to make this work even when I think he's doubting it. I think I'm just dwelling, ruminating and I needed to get it off my chest. So there it is. Back to work now. :)

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