I had a fun Saturday and Sunday with my sweetie...but Friday we got in a fight. I told him it bothers me when he comments about how attractive other girls are and he had already had a stressful week and a coworker had just pissed him off, so he reacted pretty poorly. I told him that I had been talking to my therapist about it and I just hadn't said anything because I wanted him to feel free to be himself and not feel like he has to censor himself. I asked her if it was insecurity and she said it could be that but that the fact that he was saying these comments in front of me seemed a little disrespectful.
Don't get me wrong I know that men who are attracted to women still notice attractive women when they are in a relationship, but I just didn't think I needed to hear about it. Actually having low self esteem from time to time with my body and a history of self esteem issues over my body image has beaten me down over the years and it's taking me time to gain back my full confidence. I do have moments from time to time having my confidence, but at times I'm weak...everyone has moments of weakness. I'm still working on completely loving me and I don't always have that clarity, you know?
Even now though I want to eat healthy and be healthy and when I eat junk and don't exercise I am aware of how I feel. It's just making these healthy things into habits and I know when I'm in a healthy lifestyle and fit I do feel more confident, even if I'm not at the weight I want I just feel better in my life, especially emotionally. I only want to know he'll be patient with me.
Pretty much that entire night was shot because we were supposed to have some sexy time, eat some chinese food, take a couple shots and hang out since he's leaving Tuesday for a week. He did finally text me at 1am saying he couldn't sleep and couldn't focus and I was having the same issue. Neither of us ate dinner, he fell asleep on the couch early (which is a norm for him) and I was depressed at home trying to not let it bother me emotionally so much... so at that point when he text he and I worked things out and came to a solution that he will try not to notice attractive women as much (i.e. paying more attention to me, focusing on me) or he'll take that spark of attraction and transfer it to affection for me kind of thing. I know all guys notice even if they're not outspoken about it, but from our conversation he's going to be more mindful of how he approaches the topic. I mean, yeah, I notice hot guys too, but I don't say it. You know?
He and I text for 2 hours and then he brought me some food since we hadn't eaten. Then we had a great Saturday, I walked, I did yoga, we walked again this morning and then I left so he can go pack. We've been watching Dexter and we just started season 3 today. I've already seen it but he hadn't so I am excited watching him watch it lol. My friend and I have plans in an hour to go to a roller skating rink so her daughter can skate and we can gossip. Haha. I almost didn't want to go because I've been so lazy today but I haven't seen her in over a month so I know we need to hang out. I'll push my laziness/tiredness aside lol. Almost time to get ready though I haven't showered yet today... eww. hahahaha. Okay ta ta!