Living for Happiness -- Ponderings

Over the past 6 years I've read books on happiness. How to be happy, how to change your brain and your thinking to be happier, how to focus on the positive that life gives you... for years I struggled with negative thought patterns (still do on a lot of days) and mild depression called high functioning depression.  It was hard for me to think things were going to go well for me on a regular basis. I was always hard on myself, always talking negative self talk to myself without even knowing it. Now I have the tools and knowledge under my belt to keep myself out of that sinkhole a majority of the time. However, it is still a dailly and sometimes hourly habit that I have to keep present in my mind. It's all about awareness and mindfulness and not being instantly reactive--in summary.


It has made such a difference in my life, but I know I need to practice it more and reiterate those skills and that information to myself on a a regular basis for the rest of my life. I wish I was taught these skills in school when I was a youth because maybe my life would have turned out different than it has.  Although, at the same time I'm glad I am where I am and have come that way through my strife and hard times because it's really engrained in me what is important and what I need most in my life and how I want to live my life.  I want to be able to help others to know this information too. I thought to myself maybe become a life coach? I'm not sure if that's the right path and I'm still figuring that part out, but I know my normal career right now is not how I plan to spend the rest of my life.  I do want to help people and I want to help people who were like me--lost, depressed, scared, feeling like life was hopeless and nothing good would ever come of it, questioning why I existed on a normal daily basis.


I mean... don't get me wrong I still have those questions from time to time... people try to give me their answers based on what they believe (or want to believe) but until I'm given proof I don't hold anything true I just hold space for the possibility of what could be true. I'm not sure that I'll ever know and I've given up the need to know, but the curiousity is still there.


I do know I want to help others who feel like I felt so they can have some peace and some happiness in their lives.  I am waiting open mindedly for the answer to come to me of what I want to make with my life. I know it will help others and I know it will be meaningful and I have a feeling I'm close to finding out. It's kind of for now I'm gathering knowledge and reiterating it to myself so I can use that information to the best of my capability when my calling does come to my front door. I'm enjoying the process.

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